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The Lord of the Onion Rings King Garrioch Returns

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12-14-2003, 05:09 AM
  #1
officeglen
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The Lord of the Onion Rings King Garrioch Returns

Lord of the Onion Rings Garrioch is looking forward to the new Elvis movie due out this week – Return of the King. Garrioch has had trouble lately, as when he parks his car on “Elvis Lives Lane” (actual Ottawa street name) to go to Newport Pizza, he is so tempted by the onion rings of the new Works location next door. To counteract this the Newport folks are coming out with a fried onion ring and hamburger pizza.

While waiting for Elvis, this is what Garrioch had to say in:

Lockout could send coaches to minors

Quote:
An interesting name has surfaced on the NHL's trade market in the form of Florida C Olli Jokinen. While it's not known if he's being shopped by Dudley, several teams have shown an interest in Jokinen, whose role could change with coach Mike Keenan fired. It's believed the Kings, Thrashers and Wings have all studied the possibility of acquiring Jokinen, who has been playing a tough game and comes with a reasonable $2-million (all terms US) salary. The word is the Panthers want a good, young player in return.
Dudley always wants to trade for good, young players. Dudley gave Jokinen 20+ minutes of ice time last night (2-2 tie with Nashville, Jokinen 0 points – he has been relatively cold except for 1 goal, 1 assist in 4-2 win against Montreal) but for the right young player Dudley would move almost anybody.
Quote:
There's talk the Leafs may have restarted discussions with the Isles about C Michael Peca. He's expensive: Peca is making $4.25 million this year, $4.25 million next season and a whopping $5.25 million in 2004-05.
Okay, “this year” is 03-04, then “next season” is 04-05, so it must be $5.25 million in 2005-06, not 2004-05, n’est pas? Peca was +2 with 1 goal, 1 assist last night. I don’t see the Islanders moving him.
Quote:
The Oilers are shopping tough guy Georges Laracque because he's getting only limited playing time and is pulling down $1.2 million. They'll get plenty of interest, but will want toughness in return.
Big George had 7 PIMs in 3-3 tie against Coys Friday night (BG with less than 10 minutes ice time, -1) – guess total PIMs for BG so far this year, in 22 games – only 31 PIMs, not exactly enforcer stuff. Big George ain’t delivering the extra large pizza for the Oilers, so it would not be surprising to see him moved. He noted on his web site that Ottawa had a deal almost in place for him at the trade deadline last year.
Quote:
The name of Rangers C Eric Lindros has surfaced on the NHL's trade market as a possibility of being part of the deal to send Caps RW Jaromir Jagr to New York.
A Larry Brook New York fries re-hash, without any added gravy.
Quote:
Who could be the next one out of Washington? Keep an eye on D Sergei Gonchar. He is scheduled to become a restricted free agent next year and has attracted interest from Dallas.
Actually Gonchar has attracted interest from any team that wants D and can handle salary.
Quote:
The possibility exists there will be changes in Buffalo and RW Miroslav Satan could be on the move.
Satan has only 13 points (5 assists) in 31 games this season, and is -15 – the only forward close to this is Kotalik with -7. D Zhitnik is -11, and no other D is close to this minus. This means that Satan and Zhitnik stink this year so far, and the “possibility exists” that one or both may be “on the move.” For comparison Briere is -2, Drury is -1, Brown is -2, Pyatt is +1, and Dumont is 0 so who have Satan and Zhitnik been playing with when ending up -15 and -11?
Quote:
The Avs could be in the market for a backup goalie and may make a pitch for Ottawa's Martin Prusek once he's healthy.
This is added by Onion Rings King to provide something about the Sens, so ignore.
Quote:
The Coyotes have been shopping G Sean Burke, but the market is centred around the future of Detroit G Curtis Joseph at the moment.
Leftovers, he’s said this before.
Quote:
There's talk the Caps could move C Robert Lang to Los Angeles to play with RW Ziggy Palffy.
This I believe if the two teams can figure out the salary split to be paid by each team.
Quote:
The Isles are willing to move D Roman Hamrlik to the Lightning, but New York wants prospect C Alexander Svitov or LW Frederik Modin in return.
The problem with the Lightning is they don’t want to take on much salary in a deal.
Quote:
If the Caps need defence, and they do, why not make a pitch for Ottawa D Shane Hnidy?
Perhaps there are multiple Garriochs, and another one mentioned trading Gonchar above, and another one wrote this column:

Acquiring blueliner not a priority for Sens

Seems like the Sens will need to keep Hnidy for a while, n'est pas?

Also note this at the end:
Quote:
Trying to make changes, the Bruins tested the waters by putting former Senators LW Rob Zamuner on waivers last week. Since he's pulling down a $2-million US salary, Zamuner went unclaimed and the word is the B's are willing to eat part of his salary if a deal can be made.
No surprise here.

Have a nice Return of the Sunday.

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Old
12-14-2003, 05:33 AM
  #2
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I'm be surprised if the Panthers moved Jokenin.Wasn't Keenan saying before he was fired that they needed to get tougher,grittier?

I think if the nyi got a deal they liked,then they would move Peca.Heck they'd move anybody if they got an offer they liked.I don't see the Leafs and Isles matching up though.Leafs want to hold onto their young bluechippers and it's those cheap,young bluechippers the nyi would want.

Garroich could have put a little more effort into the Hamrlik/TB rumor.The Bolts have for the 2nd time in 6 months offered Modin+ for Hamrlik and the Isles have for the 2nd time in 6 months said make it Svitov instead.His article makes it sound as if the nyi want either player.If that was the case,Hamrlik would be Bolt already.

the real surprise was in suggesting the Caps might want to take a look at Hindy,was that he didn't prospose Hindy+Bonk for Goncher or Hindy+Schlastvy for Goncher. He seems to really dislike Bonk and likes to prop up Schlastvy's trade value.

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12-14-2003, 06:03 AM
  #3
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I am also suprised that Olli is on the Block, but in Dudley World anything is possible. He'll definitly get a lot of attention from teams, and should fetch a good return for the Panthers.

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12-14-2003, 06:39 AM
  #4
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The only thing that Garrioch has predicted acurately in the last 5 years is that yashin was going to be traded...and that was quite the bold prediction.

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12-14-2003, 07:43 AM
  #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CREW99AW
the real surprise was in suggesting the Caps might want to take a look at Hindy,was that he didn't prospose Hindy+Bonk for Goncher or Hindy+Schlastvy for Goncher. He seems to really dislike Bonk and likes to prop up Schlastvy's trade value.
Hnidy = Sens defenseman

Hindi = India's primary religion

Gonchar = Caps all-star.

Goncher = ... maybe an alternate name for the "atomic wedgie"?

Schastlivy = most hype about not much since ... maybe Yogi Svejskovsky.

Schastvy = cablt; bhan;t ty;e.



Sorry, couldn't resist. I speel like that before my morning coffee too.

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Old
12-14-2003, 07:50 AM
  #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oilers_guy_eddie

Hindi = India's primary religion

Ah, yes in the same way that "English" is Canada's primary religion not Catholicism/Christianity.

Hindi is a language. Hinduism is the religion.

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12-14-2003, 07:55 AM
  #7
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Pardon me.

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12-14-2003, 07:56 AM
  #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oilers_guy_eddie
Pardon me.
Sorry couldn't resist. I'm that anal before my morning vodka.

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12-14-2003, 08:01 AM
  #9
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Does anyone find it interesting also that the Kings are mentioned several times in his and other "swamis" trade rumours lately when, it has been proven time and time again that the Kings don't make these big name kind of deals with any sort of frequency or lightly? I mean, don't get me off mate but Stitch Taylor is one of them gms that wait to see if anyone is hitting the panic button and then tries to make a deal that sits well in his favor. I know that is what most gms try and do but if you look at how long fans of the Kings were begging for another top six forward before the team landed Straka, it is just interesting that all of these supposed rumours pop up all of the sudden that just don't fit the way that Taylor has worked during his time as the teams GM.

"Hey, the Kings just made a pretty neat deal, lets throw thier name out there as a potential trading partner! No need to base it on anything factual, lets just use them so we can have a different team to write down!" Bleeding Garioch, amazing how poorly he does his job and still gets paid.

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12-14-2003, 08:08 AM
  #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by punchy1
Bleeding Garioch, amazing how poorly he does his job and still gets paid.
Well, there's a reason Glen posts a weekly Garrioch report instead of a weekly Mike Heika report or weekly Eric Duhatschek report. Garrioch does his job really well, if you accept that his job is to create interest in his column.

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12-14-2003, 09:36 AM
  #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueAndWhite
Ah, yes in the same way that "English" is Canada's primary religion not Catholicism/Christianity.

Hindi is a language. Hinduism is the religion.
Are you sure you want to mention Christianity Here???

Isn't that all religious faith's bunched together..that is referred to as Christianity where as Catholicism is just one of the many different faiths that fall under that religious umbrella..

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12-14-2003, 10:56 AM
  #12
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OfficeGlen, I look forward to your Garrioch-focused humor each Sunday. A sincere thanks for the laughs.

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Old
12-14-2003, 11:40 AM
  #13
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What, no Bonk trade rumour? A Garrioch hockey article isn't complete without some mention of the Senators moving Radek Bonk.

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Old
12-14-2003, 12:09 PM
  #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coffey77
What, no Bonk trade rumour? A Garrioch hockey article isn't complete without some mention of the Senators moving Radek Bonk.
OMG!

This is true...This must be a Garrioch imposter!

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12-14-2003, 03:52 PM
  #15
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It's "ne c'est pas", not "n'est pas", isn't it?

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Old
12-14-2003, 05:39 PM
  #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Burke's Evil Spirit
It's "ne c'est pas", not "n'est pas", isn't it?
N'est pas (not so/is not) is short for ce n'est pas -> it is not. Try out:

Babel Fish

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Old
12-14-2003, 06:19 PM
  #17
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Quote:
While it's not known if he's being shopped by Dudley, several teams have shown an interest in Jokinen, whose role could change with coach Mike Keenan fired.

There's nothing here sayin Olli is bein shopped. Its speculation that since Olli was Keenan's project in Florida, that he'll be out. There's nothing showin Dudley is lookin to trade him. Several teams showin interest? Teams could be askin but bein told no.

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12-15-2003, 04:53 AM
  #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ClashCitiRockr
There's nothing here sayin Olli is bein shopped. Its speculation that since Olli was Keenan's project in Florida, that he'll be out. There's nothing showin Dudley is lookin to trade him. Several teams showin interest? Teams could be askin but bein told no.
You must be unfamiliar with the world of Garrioch: if there were any truth to it, he wouldn't be printing it!

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12-15-2003, 08:32 AM
  #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Burke's Evil Spirit
It's "ne c'est pas", not "n'est pas", isn't it?
Dans le contexte de la phrase, il fallait dire "n'est ce pas?"...

Stop using french, you're better at bashing Garrioch!!!

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