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Old
07-30-2008, 08:14 AM
  #1
abev
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Ranger's Fan Handbook

I think it's time we come up with a set of rules and regulations as fans of the New York Rangers.

Section 1 shall be known as "Fan Outlook and Mindset". This is where all of the general thoughts are governed.
-----
Section 1.1:

Quote:
Any fan of the team, without regard to the degree of fandom or the length of time said fan has followed the team, shall predict the team's demise at least 8 weeks before a specifically named event happens, without regard for the entire set of circumstances.
Section 1.2:
Quote:
Before making a positive statement, either verbal or written, Ranger's fans must come up with at least 4 negative statements. Any fan who, either knowingly or unknowingly, attempts to circumvent said policy, shall be:
First Offense: Labeled a "Fan-boy";
Second Offense: Labeled a shill for Glen Sather;
Third Offense: Automatically converted to a fan of another team, specifically the New Jersey Devils or the New York Islanders.

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Old
07-30-2008, 09:56 AM
  #2
MisterUnspoken
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Section 1.3 perhaps?

Some other rule must be implemented that we "never demand that management trade players under 30 unless they under perform in a season immediately following their surprising rookie campaign"

Prime candidates for "not as good as we thought rule" are Brandon Dubinsky, Marc Staal, Nigel Dawes, and of course Ryan Callahan (who might be on the cusp already)

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Old
07-30-2008, 10:05 AM
  #3
LamoTheKid
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Section 1.4

Aforementioned goaltenders known as Potvin, Denis, shall be referred to as "SUCKS!"

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Old
07-30-2008, 10:07 AM
  #4
HockeyBasedNYC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WithChawwclateSawwce View Post
Section 1.4

Aforementioned goaltenders known as Potvin, Denis, shall be referred to as "SUCKS!"

This is exactly whats WRONG with Rangers fans IMO.

Dumbest chant around. Yeah, it was cool... like 20 years ago.

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Old
07-30-2008, 10:10 AM
  #5
bigblue21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WithChawwclateSawwce View Post
Section 1.4

Aforementioned goaltenders known as Potvin, Denis, shall be referred to as "SUCKS!"
congratulations, you are now a devils fan.

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Old
07-30-2008, 10:12 AM
  #6
HockeyBasedNYC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bigblue21 View Post
congratulations, you are now a devils fan.
HAhahahaha

totally missed that. nice.

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Old
07-30-2008, 10:18 AM
  #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bigblue21 View Post
congratulations, you are now a devils fan.

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Old
07-30-2008, 11:13 AM
  #8
Forechecker
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Section 1.5:

Any Rangers prospect or homegrown player traded for an established NHLer will automatically become the second coming of:

1) Rod Gilbert
2) Mike Richter
3) Mark Messier
4) Brian Leetch

All subsequent references to the traded player must start out with the following "I can't believe we traded {insert player's name here}. He was going to {insert insanely huge production stat here}. Look at what he did in {insert junior/collegiate/minor league team of questionable competitiveness here}. Man, he was going to be the next {insert Hall of Fame player from the same position here}.

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Old
07-30-2008, 11:28 AM
  #9
Burlington Bomb 26
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Section 1.6:

Even if a rival fan(fishsticks, debbies, flygirls, and ice-chickens) may be right, they are still wrong.

Section 1.7:

Always call a rival team by there nickname, I.E.~Islander=Fishsticks/Piles, Devils=Debbies, Flyers=Flygirls, and Penguins=Ice-Chickens

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Old
07-30-2008, 12:31 PM
  #10
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Section 1.8
Any said fan must always and immediately overreact to every minuscule decision made by the team's management without giving it any logical thought as to why the decision was made.

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Old
07-30-2008, 12:38 PM
  #11
I Eat Crow
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Section 1.9

Any acquisition of a player over the age of thirty two years old must instantly be ridiculed and complained about for day's on end. Any aformentioned fan must also burn Glen Sather in effigy as a result of said acquisition.

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Old
07-30-2008, 01:36 PM
  #12
Lundqvist=Vezina
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Section 1.10

No one is immune to criticism.

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07-30-2008, 02:07 PM
  #13
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Section 1.11

Any players contract shall be judged solely on point production. If said player fails to meet desired point production, he will be deemed a "contractual burden" and / or a "cap disaster."

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07-30-2008, 02:08 PM
  #14
Synergy27
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Section 1.12

In spite of the franchise's illustriously mediocre history, every Ranger fan is entitled to a sense of superiority over those of their geographical rivals due to one or more of the following: poor attendance, sub-par facilities, laughable Cup celebration routes, etc.

Section 1.13

The first round of the 2003 draft never happened. The player formerly known as 'Huge Specimen' shall not have his name uttered within 500 feet of MSG, else a fine of $500 will be levied upon the violator.

__________________________________________________ _____________________

Fun thread by the way abev. I'm impressed by your ability to pen legalese.

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Old
07-30-2008, 02:16 PM
  #15
DontStepanMe
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trxjw View Post
Section 1.11

Any players contract shall be judged solely on point production. If said player fails to meet desired point production, he will be deemed a "contractual burden" and / or a "cap disaster."
is this the Chris Drury clause.

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07-30-2008, 02:25 PM
  #16
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Section 1.14

Upon the commencement of regular season play one player shall be singled out to receive the wrath and ire of all Ranger fans. Any positive play by this player shall be taken out of context and spun as negatively as possible. Any negative play, no matter how slight, will be amplified and the basis for all that is wrong with the Rangers.

Any fan caught trying to justify this player's existence, and/or discuss the play of said player in actual game context, and/or otherwise seek to indemnify said player will result in the immediate public ridicule of the aforementioned fan.

Section 1.15

Upon the commencement of regular season play one player shall be singled out to be "The Chosen One" and can do no wrong in eyes of Rangers fans. Any positive play by this player, no matter how slight, will be singled out and extrapolated across the regular season regardless of any play contrary to that. Any negative play will be taken out of context and quickly minimized.

Any fan caught trying to discuss said player's actual skill/value, and/or discuss the play of said player in actual game context, and/or otherwise seek to argue against said player will result in the immediate public ridicule of the aforementioned fan.

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Old
07-30-2008, 02:33 PM
  #17
NJrocket24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Synergy27 View Post
Section 1.12

In spite of the franchise's illustriously mediocre history, every Ranger fan is entitled to a sense of superiority over those of their geographical rivals due to one or more of the following: poor attendance, sub-par facilities, laughable Cup celebration routes, etc.

Section 1.13

The first round of the 2003 draft never happened. The player formerly known as 'Huge Specimen' shall not have his name uttered within 500 feet of MSG, else a fine of $500 will be levied upon the violator.

__________________________________________________ _____________________

Fun thread by the way abev. I'm impressed by your ability to pen legalese.
You picked a real unlucky one for section 13.

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Old
07-30-2008, 02:34 PM
  #18
mti79
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Forechecker View Post
Section 1.14

Upon the commencement of regular season play one player shall be singled out to receive the wrath and ire of all Ranger fans. Any positive play by this player shall be taken out of context and spun as negatively as possible. Any negative play, no matter how slight, will be amplified and the basis for all that is wrong with the Rangers.

Any fan caught trying to justify this player's existence, and/or discuss the play of said player in actual game context, and/or otherwise seek to indemnify said player will result in the immediate public ridicule of the aforementioned fan.

Section 1.15

Upon the commencement of regular season play one player shall be singled out to be "The Chosen One" and can do no wrong in eyes of Rangers fans. Any positive play by this player, no matter how slight, will be singled out and extrapolated across the regular season regardless of any play contrary to that. Any negative play will be taken out of context and quickly minimized.

Any fan caught trying to discuss said player's actual skill/value, and/or discuss the play of said player in actual game context, and/or otherwise seek to argue against said player will result in the immediate public ridicule of the aforementioned fan.
And you, my friend, have pretty much summed up being a Ranger fan. Kudos... lol

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Old
07-30-2008, 02:39 PM
  #19
abev
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You guys have come up with some pretty good ones

Section 1.16

Quote:
If the Rangers sign a player over the age of 28 for a term of one year or greater, it shall be known that either a) the Rangers 'always sign old, washed up players' or b) 'it's the same old Rangers signing high priced over the hill talent'.
Section 1.17

Quote:
If at any point of the season, beginning with the first game, the Rangers are not in the top 8 places in the conference, it shall be assumed that the Rangers will not make the playoffs unless a 'miracle' happens.

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Old
07-30-2008, 02:48 PM
  #20
FutureGM97
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Section 1.18

If a line does not score more than 10 goals in the first two games, it is assumed that the line will never work.

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Old
07-30-2008, 03:05 PM
  #21
Burlington Bomb 26
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Section 1.19:

Petr Prucha can do no right.

Section 1.20:

Marc Staal is the next Bobby Orr.

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Old
07-30-2008, 03:15 PM
  #22
I Eat Crow
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Section 1.21

Henrik is the King....no exceptions.

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Old
07-30-2008, 03:19 PM
  #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HockeyBasedNYC View Post
This is exactly whats WRONG with Rangers fans IMO.

Dumbest chant around. Yeah, it was cool... like 20 years ago.
There is nothing wrong with Ranger fans, thank you very much. That chant is legend.

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Old
07-30-2008, 03:29 PM
  #24
ogie
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went a different way with this: got biblical on your as*es.

Thou shalt have no other team besides the Rangers
Thou shalt not make a aluminum foil cup
Thou shalt not take the name Messier in vain
Remember 1994 and keep it holy.
Honor thy Sam and JD
Thou shalt not 'potvin sucks'
Thou shalt never forget the '1940' chants
Thou shalt not have faith in the GM
Thou shalt not Boo thy own players
Thou shalt cheer before thy team scores

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Old
07-30-2008, 04:20 PM
  #25
I Eat Crow
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ogie View Post
went a different way with this: got biblical on your as*es.

Thou shalt have no other team besides the Rangers
Thou shalt not make a aluminum foil cup
Thou shalt not take the name Messier in vain
Remember 1994 and keep it holy.
Honor thy Sam and JD
Thou shalt not 'potvin sucks'
Thou shalt never forget the '1940' chants
Thou shalt not have faith in the GM
Thou shalt not Boo thy own players
Thou shalt cheer before thy team scores
The Ten Commandments of the New York Rangers?

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