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Things that make you say...what the ****!!!

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Old
08-27-2008, 08:47 PM
  #1
Lexicon
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Things that make you say...what the ****!!!

Ok today I was completely freaked out.

I work in construction and our company is building a chapel. So today, we had to keep it down (noise level) because a funeral was occuring. Anyways, I was walking along to the front of the building to check an elevation with the laser and I knelt down to make a couple measurements. All of a sudden I feel a soft tap on my shoulder and I sorta jump and lose my balance. I turn around and theres this 35 - 40 year old women looking at me with a bit of a weird grin. She was completely dressed in black (attended funeral) and she said to me "Always had a thing for men with hammers". I was just like "excuse me...?". Then she said "I see you have a thing for me" and she points down and what appears to be a hard on is actually my hammer which sorta went under my shorts when I fell that was bent from my holster in an awkward position so that ....whatever, my hammer made it look like I wanted her...and suddenly I felt as nervous as hell.

So I started putting my hammer in its proper position, at my side and all of a sudden shes like ohhhhh your playing with it. I just said "lady, someone died, have some respect". Then she said ohhh its just my husband, and sorta put her arms around me and went in for whatever, and I just hit her hands off and just sorta ran off, scared ****less.

I don't think nobody saw this, but this had me saying...

WHAT THE ****??????????


Any other stories like this? Cuz this is ****ed.

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Old
08-27-2008, 08:50 PM
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TaiMaiShu
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That....is... ****ed up.

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Old
08-27-2008, 08:50 PM
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That's just hilarious.

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Old
08-27-2008, 08:59 PM
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Claude28Giroux
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***** was cray-Z

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Old
08-27-2008, 09:01 PM
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deanosaur
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Aren't you the kid goin to a school without decent looking girls?
Duuuuude you ****ed up that could of been your best chance at gettin any allll semester!

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Old
08-27-2008, 09:01 PM
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Le Tricolore
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I think I saw that in a porno once...

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Old
08-27-2008, 09:03 PM
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Lexicon
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deangamblin View Post
Aren't you the kid goin to a school without decent looking girls?
Duuuuude you ****ed up that could of been your best chance at gettin any allll semester!
She was like 35 - 40, and on the job, at a funeral?

I have morals man.

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Old
08-27-2008, 09:05 PM
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deanosaur
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex View Post
She was like 35 - 40, and on the job, at a funeral?

I have morals man.
Apparently you haven't that one scene in Wedding Crashers have ya

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Old
08-27-2008, 09:05 PM
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AfroThunder396
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What a wuss, I would have hit it like a jackhammer.

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Old
08-27-2008, 09:07 PM
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Gobias Industries
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deangamblin View Post
Apparently you haven't that one scene in Wedding Crashers have ya
I remember!...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chaz
It's like fishing with dynamite, it's not even fair...

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Old
08-27-2008, 09:08 PM
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The Brewmeister
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AfroThunder396 View Post
What a wuss, I would have hit it like a jackhammer.
i would have used some nails, a screwdriver, jack hammer, and some of the area

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Old
08-27-2008, 09:10 PM
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pulkinator
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Grief is nature’s most powerful aphrodisiac

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Old
08-27-2008, 09:32 PM
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Super Sniper Cele
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Did you whip it out?

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Old
08-27-2008, 10:35 PM
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The Brewmeister
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just reminded me of a story... since i work at the skylon tower, i had to work an elevator one time, and this 40 year old lady and i were talking and she made a sexual comment, and i said "but that's not how we do it in canada" and gave her a wink thinking it was all jokes. but then she told me where she was staying and said i could "teach her a couple of things" and told me to ask the concierge for her room number...

i never had been hit on at my job before (by older women atleast) and was considering until she said she'd never need her husband to find out about it... and having a friend who slept with a wife who got busted by the husband... i'd never take that chance... no matte the thrill... just fun memories of work.

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Old
08-27-2008, 11:17 PM
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algernon
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off topic:

My gf has replaced the f-bomb in the saying with another 'what', to change the phrase to:
"What the what!?!".

WTF, indeed... kinda cute though.


on topic:

Once, while building a deck, a cougar invited me in to her kitchen to eat some stuffed peppers, and cut them up (right on my plate) and fed them to me like a small child. The fact that she also had small children and was married, nipped that possible romance in the bud right there.


Last edited by algernon: 08-27-2008 at 11:23 PM. Reason: some on topic content
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Old
08-28-2008, 12:47 AM
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evgeni71
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Stick it in the pooper.

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Old
08-28-2008, 12:52 AM
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Rin
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I work in a pizza place. This one guy who was staying in a hotel asked me for my name once, I told him thinking I'll never hear from him again. Anyways, a few months later he is back in town and he not only recognizes my voice on the phone...but he also remembers my name. He then tells me I'm his favorite person to talk to on the phone, invited me back to his hotel room after I got off work, stalked me a bit for the day. Etc. The first time I saw him, was when he went into the restaurant the first time to see me, thankfully I was gone already by the time he went in the second time.


Then a few nights ago, I answered the phone and some guy that I have never met before calls me 'The woman of his dreams'. He told me something along the lines that I hold the key to his heart through his stomach. Then as I'm writing down the order, he mentions that we don't even know each others names...I obviously did not use that as a chance to introduce myself.

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Old
08-28-2008, 08:02 AM
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dont be such a Pussi! You totally should have taken advantage! She was obviously messed up and wanted comfort. Your a horrible human being lol.

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Old
08-28-2008, 08:58 AM
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Was she good-looking?

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Old
08-28-2008, 09:02 AM
  #20
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I see a turd and call bull ****.

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Old
08-28-2008, 09:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Le Tricolore View Post
I think I saw that in a porno once...
Funeral Porn.

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Old
08-29-2008, 12:43 AM
  #22
5150
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When you're about to get a BJ in a car from a girl and someone opens the door and totally cockblocks you.

And for anyone who had a chance to sack a cougar, I'm jealous.

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Old
08-29-2008, 12:47 AM
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Burlington Bomb 26
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you shoulda post #95'd her. but seriously i would've done the same thing as you.

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Old
08-29-2008, 12:48 AM
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Burlington Bomb 26
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Quote:
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When you're about to get a BJ in a car from a girl and someone opens the door and totally cockblocks you.

And for anyone who had a chance to sack a cougar, I'm jealous.
<-----

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Old
08-29-2008, 12:51 AM
  #25
jmtznr0th
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You blew a once in a lifetime opportunity

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