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I need your help/opinions (another one 3/3)

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02-25-2009, 10:28 PM
  #1
sonny side up
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I need your help/opinions (another one 3/3)

I need your help/opinions....

My friend knows nothing about hockey and he was hired as an intern with InsideHockey.com, and he asked me for advice on the bolts last week.. he has since composed two columns and he would like some feedback on them from someone aren't his friends and can be honest with him..

check them out, let me know what you think and I will relay the messages to him.

Lightning Need Revitalizing Jolt

and

Wake-Up Call for Lightning

Thanks!


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Old
02-26-2009, 03:55 AM
  #2
bassassin
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The first one seemed to be good, only noticed this mistake
Quote:
St Louis only played in 25 games this season, scoring 20 goals and 34 assists
I can understand his points being off as maybe it was written when he was on 20 goals and 34 assists, but the 25 games thing I dont know where that comes from?

Apart from that, i didnt notice anything wrong with it, in fact it seemed to be pretty well written.


The second one isnt as good, it just doesnt seem to flow as well, and there are a couple of sentences that only half make sense. Or what I mean is that it probably wasnt the best word to use, so you reread it and you go oh yeah that makes sense..kind of

For example
Quote:
Tampa Bay still has no defense, since it cost them at least five wins this season with its third period collapses.
I mean I might just be imagining that, but to me that sentence doesnt really make sense or flow well.

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Old
02-26-2009, 06:18 AM
  #3
sonny side up
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bassassin View Post
The first one seemed to be good, only noticed this mistake

I can understand his points being off as maybe it was written when he was on 20 goals and 34 assists, but the 25 games thing I dont know where that comes from?

Apart from that, i didnt notice anything wrong with it, in fact it seemed to be pretty well written.


The second one isnt as good, it just doesnt seem to flow as well, and there are a couple of sentences that only half make sense. Or what I mean is that it probably wasnt the best word to use, so you reread it and you go oh yeah that makes sense..kind of

I mean I might just be imagining that, but to me that sentence doesnt really make sense or flow well.
I agree with ya on both... the first one I was really impressed with it (other than that marty stat, I believe he read the Roberts GP cause marty has played in everygame)..

The 2nd one just didnt have the same flow as the first one. I already let him know that 2 wasnt as good as 1.

Thanks! anyone else?

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Old
02-26-2009, 07:10 AM
  #4
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Just out of curiosity.. why would someone who knows nothing about hockey be chosen to work as an intern at Inside Hockey?

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02-26-2009, 07:45 AM
  #5
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in the second article, it says goalie mike smith, and center mike halpern, should be jeff, obviously. he should focus less on trading st. louis away, if lawton has any brains he wouldn't trade st. louis unless the deal is a friggin home run...it's not about the fans liking the guy, it's about what he's done this season, and he's been the team's best player.

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Old
02-26-2009, 08:04 AM
  #6
sonny side up
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lecavilier_4 View Post
Just out of curiosity.. why would someone who knows nothing about hockey be chosen to work as an intern at Inside Hockey?
to be honest with ya, i have no idea... they were desperate maybe? haha.. my buddy said the last guy got fired and they needed someone to fill in

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02-26-2009, 08:17 AM
  #7
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I agree that the first article is definitely better than the second. Other than the mistakes that have already been pointed out, the only thing that I can comment on is the fact that it is obvious in his writing that he isn't a hockey fan. His writing is very "researched". It's written as if he is writing an essay for people who also know nothing about hockey instead of a sports article for the fans. Its hard to explain what I mean, but I hope someone kinda gets what I'm saying.

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Old
02-26-2009, 09:44 AM
  #8
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This whole thing sounds like a shameless plug to me...

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Old
02-26-2009, 10:28 AM
  #9
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A way to tell a real hockey fan from a n00b is contained in the first article.

Hockey fans don't need to be told that Quebec is in Canada. I don't know why, but I always found that sort of condescending.

But yes, I'd agree that it's very labored and seems written for non-hockey fans.

Case in point:
Quote:
"Of the current players in the Lightning, only centers Vincent Lecavalier and promising 19-year-old rookie Steven Stamkos are untradeable.

“Vinny,” as fans call him, is the face of the franchise, and any discussions of him being traded shake the fan-base to the core.
Lecavalier, a Quebec, Canada native, was rumored to be possible trade bait in January. The Montreal Canadiens seemed to be the biggest suitors, but those rumors have died down. For now."
How many hockey fans will find the factoid that people call a guy named Vincent, "Vinny" as new and interesting?

There's another bunch of issues I have with his assessment, but it's more of an opinion thing than picking on his writing or research.

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Old
02-26-2009, 10:30 AM
  #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lecavilier_4 View Post
Just out of curiosity.. why would someone who knows nothing about hockey be chosen to work as an intern at Inside Hockey?
same reason a person who knows nothing about hockey is chosen commissioner of the NHL.

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Old
02-26-2009, 10:43 AM
  #11
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Seems like the topic is old news as both articles reflect the prevailing attitude of the media on not trading this guy and that guy being untouchable – only this is being reported months after the fact.

Your friend should be using his objectivity and lack of hockey knowledge to his dvantage and approach the articles a bit like an outsider. I’d recommend your friend approach an article in a way to examine situations where individuals who were perceived as untouchable have been traded – in hockey and in other sports. Look at market and fan reaction and gauge whether there was a recovery time.

Perhaps approaching the Vinny situation in another manner by
examining the drafting and development of Vinny and Stamkos. Perhaps pointing out the parallels and situations which led to perceived positives and negatives for the franchise and Vinny, throughout Vinny’s development .

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02-26-2009, 12:07 PM
  #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Felonious Python View Post
A way to tell a real hockey fan from a n00b is contained in the first article.

Hockey fans don't need to be told that Quebec is in Canada. I don't know why, but I always found that sort of condescending.

But yes, I'd agree that it's very labored and seems written for non-hockey fans.

Case in point:

How many hockey fans will find the factoid that people call a guy named Vincent, "Vinny" as new and interesting?


There's another bunch of issues I have with his assessment, but it's more of an opinion thing than picking on his writing or research.
Exactly. Im glad I wasnt the only who found those things to be odd.

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Old
02-26-2009, 12:46 PM
  #13
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if he isnt knowledgable about hockey, the pieces shouldnt be opinion pieces. especially when hes talking very strongly (and negatively) about things that are quasi-true. he could defidently write interesting pieces, but some things like "malik most movable piece," "st louis to panthers best choice, and needs to be traded" ect just shows that he really needs to take a step back from the opinion aspect and start learning before taking that approach. contrary to most americans beliefs, journalism CAN be investigative and informative, not soley opinionated.

as for his writing abilities, flow and proofreading are 2 things that stood out. i dont know how you can enter a job and that job be "write and publish," and you have multiple mistakes per article. it just looks like amateur hour. i know its not supposed to be a written as a scholarly article would, but half assed writing skills are boring and unprofessional. hes publishing articles, not making entries on his blog.


Last edited by peanutvendor: 02-26-2009 at 04:41 PM. Reason: spellcheck has spoiled me
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Old
02-26-2009, 01:21 PM
  #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Felonious Python View Post
Hockey fans don't need to be told that Quebec is in Canada. I don't know why, but I always found that sort of condescending.
Besides, if you're going to say that you might as well just say he is from Ile-Bizard (I dont have the accents on my keyboard), QC (or PQ).

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Old
02-26-2009, 01:44 PM
  #15
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How the hell does someone who knows nothing about hockey get a gig writing hockey articles? Thats beyond ridiculous. A true fan should have that post.

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02-26-2009, 04:57 PM
  #16
The Fear Boners
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Originally Posted by The Hockey Hitman View Post
How the hell does someone who knows nothing about hockey get a gig writing hockey articles? Thats beyond ridiculous. A true fan should have that post.
I'll pick up a side job, get me in there man.

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Old
02-27-2009, 10:36 AM
  #17
Felonious Python
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BrokeBearMountain View Post
Besides, if you're going to say that you might as well just say he is from Ile-Bizard (I dont have the accents on my keyboard), QC (or PQ).
There is a way to type out: (for Windows)

To get the Î in Île Bizard:

Hold down Alt and type 0206 with the keypad on the right side of your keyboard, then let go of the Alt button.

To get the é in Québec:

Same method, but the number is 130

Or just google Ile Bizard, find a site that uses it with the accent, and copy-paste.

Your welcome.

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Old
02-27-2009, 11:15 AM
  #18
Going Back to Cally
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Felonious Python View Post
A way to tell a real hockey fan from a n00b is contained in the first article.

Hockey fans don't need to be told that Quebec is in Canada. I don't know why, but I always found that sort of condescending.

But yes, I'd agree that it's very labored and seems written for non-hockey fans.

Case in point:

How many hockey fans will find the factoid that people call a guy named Vincent, "Vinny" as new and interesting?

There's another bunch of issues I have with his assessment, but it's more of an opinion thing than picking on his writing or research.
That is a pet peeve of mine. Nobody would ever say Chicago, America or New York, America but you hear Montreal, Canada or Toronto, Canada all the time.

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Old
02-27-2009, 11:43 AM
  #19
sonny side up
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Patrick View Post
That is a pet peeve of mine. Nobody would ever say Chicago, America or New York, America but you hear Montreal, Canada or Toronto, Canada all the time.
For people from the US, no we wouldnt say that.. but for people outside the USA, do they say stuff like Boston, USA or NYC USA?

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02-27-2009, 11:50 AM
  #20
bassassin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sonny side up View Post
For people from the US, no we wouldnt say that.. but for people outside the USA, do they say stuff like Boston, USA or NYC USA?
We dont say that in the UK, if it is a smaller place then maybe, but I mean even here if you say Montreal, Boston or New York you dont need to state either Canada or USA (unless you are dealing with a dumbass)

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Old
02-27-2009, 08:59 PM
  #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Felonious Python View Post
There is a way to type out: (for Windows)

To get the Î in Île Bizard:

Hold down Alt and type 0206 with the keypad on the right side of your keyboard, then let go of the Alt button.

To get the é in Québec:

Same method, but the number is 130

Or just google Ile Bizard, find a site that uses it with the accent, and copy-paste.

Your welcome.
Okay fine, i'll admit - i'm just lazy.

Ile Bizard is a cool place to visit by the way, spent some time in Laval too (where Marty is from). There are some killer waterslides about... 45 to an hour west (iirc) of Montreal that are badass too minus the one slide destroying my tailbone. **** it just hurts thinking about it.

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Old
03-03-2009, 11:05 AM
  #22
sonny side up
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**Bumped**

Check out this new article.. talks about resting Vinny and Marty

http://insidehockey.com/columns/3144

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Old
03-03-2009, 01:55 PM
  #23
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Doesn't know anything about hockey and he's a rather poor writer.

I feel like I'm reading a 6th grade essay.

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Old
03-03-2009, 02:31 PM
  #24
bassassin
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That article showed up his lack of hockey knowledge, you can talk about shutting down star players all you want, unless they want to it isnt going to happen. And I think we all know that Vinny and Marty love playing, so asking them to stop playing because they may or may not get injured isnt fair or right. Plus golf is dangerous just ask Erik Johnson

Also what is up with constantly saying my friend this my friend that, come on YOU are the hockey writer claim it as your own opinion (even if it isnt).

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03-03-2009, 02:57 PM
  #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sonny side up View Post
**Bumped**

Check out this new article.. talks about resting Vinny and Marty

http://insidehockey.com/columns/3144
One of the worst hockey articles ever. Please, stop writing about hockey and in general.

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