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Is Wayne Gretzky Evil?

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Old
04-01-2004, 02:46 AM
  #1
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Is Wayne Gretzky Evil?

I'm high on fiberglass resin from working on my car and that stuff is really bad for you, but I'm dead serious about this. Maybe it's because I've had to put up with seeing his big phony-ass laugh in so many stupid McDonald's commercials over the years, but something about the guy just doesn't sit right with me.
His so-called battlecry during the last Olympics. Was it really necessary? As someone in the media in Pittsburgh put it, "leave it to Gretzky to upstage Mario Lemieux on a night when he" blah, blah, blah, had two points and yada yada yada. I know Theo took a really bad cross check at the end of the game that had me yelling at the television screen. But still. Did Gretzky really have to lose it?

I do not think Gretzky is keen on seeing anyone break any of his records so long as he is still living either. All-star game, 2003. A player by the name of Dany Heatley has 4 goals after two periods of play. He has already broken Gretzky's youngest player to register a hattrick in an all-star game record, and is on pace to break his record for most goals in an all-star game. But ooooh. During the second intermission Wayne decides it is imparative that he must speak to Heatley right in the middle of the game and jinx... I mean encourage him to break the record and rack up six, even seven goals! So what happens to Heatley after their little chat? He is unable to register a goal in the third. DAMN that Wayne Gretzky. I'm pretty sure that that conversation really went something like this, "hi Dany! I'm Wayne Gretzky! Look at how happy I am, with my super big Bob Saget smile!...

Break my record and I will have you killed.

Okaaay! Have a good one, Dany!"


But jinxing NHL players isn't enough for Wayne anymore. He now has his sights set on Rimouski golden boy Sidney Crosby. Gretzky came out to say that he thinks Crosby has a shot at breaking his records. This guarantees that if Crosby makes the NHL he will be a huge flop or more likely that he will never ever make the NHL at all. DAMN that Wayne Gretzky.

Wayne Gretzky is like the Bob Saget of hockey. He's cheesy as heck and acts all innocent, but deep inside he is just plain trecherous and crazy. (If you've had the privilege of seeing Saget do stand-up and not that stupid Full House crap then youíll know what Iím talking about.


Yes, Wayne Gretzky is definitely evil... and evil indefinitely.

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Old
04-01-2004, 02:47 AM
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1st of April - a good one

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04-01-2004, 02:49 AM
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Canadian Chris
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have you ever thought of going into creative writing staze? Cuz that was pretty damn good....

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04-01-2004, 07:18 AM
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Very good read! If only the networks had april fool writers like you...

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04-01-2004, 08:02 AM
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Takeo
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Yes, Gretzky is evil. April 1 or not.

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04-01-2004, 08:27 AM
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FUNNY :lol

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04-01-2004, 09:29 AM
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Yeah, and pick a beverage already, during his playing days he plugs Diet Coke, now during his retirement he's plugging Pepsi...I don't know which to drink now? lol

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04-01-2004, 10:26 AM
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I actually kind of know what you're talking about, believe it or not. When I hear Gretzky talk lately, I'm left wondering if he is "all there" in the head. Same thing with Messier. I don't know what it is, and I think you might be taking it a bit too far, but there's something about both of them that doesn't sit well with me.

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Old
04-01-2004, 10:34 AM
  #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Staze19
I'm high on fiberglass resin from working on my car and that stuff is really bad for you, but I'm dead serious about this. Maybe it's because I've had to put up with seeing his big phony-ass laugh in so many stupid McDonald's commercials over the years, but something about the guy just doesn't sit right with me.
His so-called battlecry during the last Olympics. Was it really necessary? As someone in the media in Pittsburgh put it, "leave it to Gretzky to upstage Mario Lemieux on a night when he" blah, blah, blah, had two points and yada yada yada. I know Theo took a really bad cross check at the end of the game that had me yelling at the television screen. But still. Did Gretzky really have to lose it?

I do not think Gretzky is keen on seeing anyone break any of his records so long as he is still living either. All-star game, 2003. A player by the name of Dany Heatley has 4 goals after two periods of play. He has already broken Gretzky's youngest player to register a hattrick in an all-star game record, and is on pace to break his record for most goals in an all-star game. But ooooh. During the second intermission Wayne decides it is imparative that he must speak to Heatley right in the middle of the game and jinx... I mean encourage him to break the record and rack up six, even seven goals! So what happens to Heatley after their little chat? He is unable to register a goal in the third. DAMN that Wayne Gretzky. I'm pretty sure that that conversation really went something like this, "hi Dany! I'm Wayne Gretzky! Look at how happy I am, with my super big Bob Saget smile!...

Break my record and I will have you killed.

Okaaay! Have a good one, Dany!"


But jinxing NHL players isn't enough for Wayne anymore. He now has his sights set on Rimouski golden boy Sidney Crosby. Gretzky came out to say that he thinks Crosby has a shot at breaking his records. This guarantees that if Crosby makes the NHL he will be a huge flop or more likely that he will never ever make the NHL at all. DAMN that Wayne Gretzky.

Wayne Gretzky is like the Bob Saget of hockey. He's cheesy as heck and acts all innocent, but deep inside he is just plain trecherous and crazy. (If you've had the privilege of seeing Saget do stand-up and not that stupid Full House crap then youíll know what Iím talking about.


Yes, Wayne Gretzky is definitely evil... and evil indefinitely.

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Old
04-01-2004, 10:37 AM
  #10
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Ease up on the fiberglass resin sniffing man.

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04-01-2004, 11:00 AM
  #11
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As a spokesman for the Ford Motor Company, we would like to request that you refrain from referring to this 'hockey player' by his full Christian name and instead refer him by his legally given name, Fordy McSellout Ford.

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Old
04-01-2004, 03:29 PM
  #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cap'n Flavour
As a spokesman for the Ford Motor Company, we would like to request that you refrain from referring to this 'hockey player' by his full Christian name and instead refer him by his legally given name, Fordy McSellout Ford.

CALL POWER!!!

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Old
04-01-2004, 03:45 PM
  #13
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But he is evil! I have proof!

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04-01-2004, 04:14 PM
  #14
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oh yeah.. Definately Evil
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Old
04-01-2004, 04:16 PM
  #15
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Gretzky's evil? Maybe if you're Bob Goodenow.

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Old
04-01-2004, 06:15 PM
  #16
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More Proof!
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