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Lady Advice 7: Move over H1N1, We have a REAL Problem here!

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Old
11-02-2009, 11:55 AM
  #1
y2kcanucks
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Lady Advice 7: Move over H1N1, We have a REAL Problem here!

Last one was up to 1000...continue here shall we?

Previous threads

Lady Advice 6: Can't live with 'em, pass the beer nuts
http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?t=667425

Lady Advice 5: Yeah... we've got women issues
http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?t=626703

Lady Advice #4: Yeah.. we've got women issues
Thread deleted. (Geeze...I go away for one thread and look what happens )

Lady advice #3: The Trilogy
http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?t=584157

Lady advice #2: The saga continues
http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?t=573790

Lady Advice #1
http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?t=553809

Quote:
Originally Posted by mmbt View Post
It'd be a short book. It really boils down to just a few things I keep repeating:

1) Have self-respect, don't be a pushover, don't let yourself be mistreated. If you don't like yourself, forget girls for a while and go work on some things. And no girl's worth it if she makes you feel like crap.

2) Have enough respect for her to take no for an answer. Trying again later is better than being pushy/clingy/desperate; persistence can change a girl's mind, but only when it's spread out. But there's nothing you can do to "make" someone fall in love with you 100% of the time, you can only maximize your chances.

3) Don't put anyone on a pedestal. If you haven't dated her, you probably don't know her as well as you think. She may be cool, but there's other cool women out there. You didn't somehow find the only Helen of Troy without anyone else noticing. Why commit to one girl before you're even in a relationship? Don't let your life revolve around someone you're not even dating yet.

4) Be honest/direct whenever possible. If you're deep in the friends zone, it's your own damn fault for not having been open and honest with her about your intentions from the start. Hinting or half-assing it is a recipe for failure. If you show up, show up to play, don't keep one foot on the sidelines.

5) The friends zone is not hopeless, I've gotten out of it before. But doing nothing won't "save the friendship," it'll just grind you down until you can't take it anymore and you have to make a move for your own sanity. There's nothing noble about pining away hopelessly for someone. It's more noble to try even if you fail. Make your play, live with the results either way. Often you can save the friendship after rejection by taking a break from each other anyway.

6) Don't be afraid of rejection. Can't score goals if you won't take a hit. Any guy who gets 10 times as many women as you has probably gotten rejected 20 times as often.

7) "Maybe" = "No" until further notice. Treat them as such.

So there's my book ... how much do I get paid?
Quote:
Originally Posted by mmbt View Post
8) Someone who could potentially be "The One" will make sense both to your heart AND your head. Not just one or the other. No matter how crazy about someone you are, if they're not good to/for you, move on.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mmbt View Post
Okay, new rule:

9) **** Facebook. Texting is only marginally better, but still sucks.

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Last edited by y2kcanucks: 12-22-2009 at 12:50 PM.
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Old
11-02-2009, 12:23 PM
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Definitely coulda tried harder on the title.... disappointing.

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Old
11-02-2009, 12:26 PM
  #3
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The title could have been 'Lady Advice 7: It's the most wonderful time of the month".

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11-02-2009, 12:48 PM
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Lady Advice 7: Still Can't Catch a Break

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11-02-2009, 12:50 PM
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I'll change it as it becomes necessary

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11-02-2009, 12:50 PM
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Lady Advice 7: Move over H1N1, We have a REAL Problem here

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11-02-2009, 12:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Penguins23 View Post
Lady Advice 7: Move over H1N1, We have a REAL Problem here
win.

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11-02-2009, 01:03 PM
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Originally Posted by Penguins23 View Post
Lady Advice 7: Move over H1N1, We have a REAL Problem here
(Loverrrrrrrs in a dangerous time)

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11-02-2009, 01:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vancityluongo View Post
What do you guys think about younger girls? Yeah, I'm 15, and yesterday a girl that is 2 years younger (not a big deal when you're in your 20's I guess, but it's kinda weird at my age) tells me she likes me, and I had to tell her I didn't feel the same way about her. I don't even know her, but she seems normal enough, apparently though she's liked me for a year - yesterday was the first time I'd talked to her since the summer, and I feel like a dick for saying I don't like her. She never asked me out or anything but yeah it was really awkward. How do you be nice in a situation like that without hurting their feelings?
I tried to put myself in that position, and unfortunately I am so far removed from those 15-year old situations, that I can't even inagine what was going through her head.

A 2-year difference? Go for it! In the future, if a 13-year old wants you and physically, you see no reason why you shouldn't go for it, do it. Yeah, it's gross if an 18 or 19 year old gets with a 13-year old... but you are 15.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Payaso619 View Post
I think that guys who tend to date girls younger than themselves can't get a girl their own age.
Keep in mind, though, that young girls, as a rule, tend to like older guys so the natural and logical procession is that guys their own age have to look to the next generation, so to speak.

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11-02-2009, 01:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Penguins23 View Post
Lady Advice 7: Move over H1N1, We have a REAL Problem here
Winner and new champion!

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11-02-2009, 03:15 PM
  #11
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I'm trying to figure out how to find "the spark" once it's lost.

My girlfriend of around 5 years informed me that the spark of our relationship had gone. Not news to me, really, as I had noticed a decline in passion/intimacy/emotion over the past while. Whenever we spent time together, it's just been dull, never amounting to much. We still love each other, and are thinking of ways to jump-start the relationship again, get it back to the way it was. Last year, we took somewhat of a break, for pretty much the same issues. Got back together in March, but now it looks like those same issues are back again.

Any ideas? We're considering just "starting over", i.e. going on actual dates, and talking a lot more.

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11-02-2009, 03:39 PM
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Just had an interesting class. I've always thought this girl was cute, but figured she wasn't interested in me at all...idk why just because she seems like a distant sort of person I guess.

Well anyway, we're sitting across the room (but sort of facing each other), and today was presentation day for some people, so we don't have to take notes or be busy. So during these presentations we make eye contact a couple times, and other times I can just tell that she was looking at me (I got mad periphs), just to look away when I look. So I sort of test something out. I've got kinda long shaggy hair, so I start to wipe it out of my face a lot, and I mess it up and stuff. She starts doing this as well.

I've talked to her maybe twice, and now that I think about it the conversations have been sort of flirty, but I never felt any interest from her. I'm not sure, but she might have a bf. A friend of mine started to hook up with her a while ago, and he told me that things stopped because she said she had a bf. I'm not sure if any of that was true, and if it was I don't know if they are still together.

I think she works the front desk of the dorm complex on tuesday nights...I'm not sure but I think it's tuesdays. That would really work out because I'm starting a soccer league tomorrow night and it would look good if I was coming back all sweaty from a workout and said hi.

So based on this, is there interest? I feel like it could have been coincidental but you never know.

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11-02-2009, 04:41 PM
  #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ludicrous Speed View Post
Just had an interesting class. I've always thought this girl was cute, but figured she wasn't interested in me at all...idk why just because she seems like a distant sort of person I guess.

Well anyway, we're sitting across the room (but sort of facing each other), and today was presentation day for some people, so we don't have to take notes or be busy. So during these presentations we make eye contact a couple times, and other times I can just tell that she was looking at me (I got mad periphs), just to look away when I look. So I sort of test something out. I've got kinda long shaggy hair, so I start to wipe it out of my face a lot, and I mess it up and stuff. She starts doing this as well.

I've talked to her maybe twice, and now that I think about it the conversations have been sort of flirty, but I never felt any interest from her. I'm not sure, but she might have a bf. A friend of mine started to hook up with her a while ago, and he told me that things stopped because she said she had a bf. I'm not sure if any of that was true, and if it was I don't know if they are still together.

I think she works the front desk of the dorm complex on tuesday nights...I'm not sure but I think it's tuesdays. That would really work out because I'm starting a soccer league tomorrow night and it would look good if I was coming back all sweaty from a workout and said hi.

So based on this, is there interest? I feel like it could have been coincidental but you never know.
Well find out Tuesday night. Do a scouting report too to make sure she's a free agent

From preliminary scouting reports it appears this prospect is not a free agent. The scouting reports need to be updated though, see if you can get a more recent version

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11-02-2009, 04:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ixcuincle View Post
Well find out Tuesday night. Do a scouting report too to make sure she's a free agent

From preliminary scouting reports it appears this prospect is not a free agent. The scouting reports need to be updated though, see if you can get a more recent version
Very well put, ix.

I sort of recall my friend saying that she said "we can't hook up right now because I have a bf. but maybe once that's over..." (I could be making this up...but I thought he said that) and this was like a month and a half ago so things definitely could have changed with her in that time. My friend has no interest in her though, he just wanted a quick score at the time.

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11-02-2009, 06:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Modo View Post
I'm trying to figure out how to find "the spark" once it's lost.

...

Any ideas? We're considering just "starting over", i.e. going on actual dates, and talking a lot more.
I think thats your answer right there.

That shouldn't be "starting over" IMO. When I found my relationship declining it was the first thing I noticed wasn't happening. Those dates allow for 1 on 1 conversation, they allow for romance, they allow for laughing. A healthy relationship needs conversation, and I think that "dating" shouldn't be lost.

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11-02-2009, 07:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Modo View Post
I'm trying to figure out how to find "the spark" once it's lost.

My girlfriend of around 5 years informed me that the spark of our relationship had gone. Not news to me, really, as I had noticed a decline in passion/intimacy/emotion over the past while. Whenever we spent time together, it's just been dull, never amounting to much. We still love each other, and are thinking of ways to jump-start the relationship again, get it back to the way it was. Last year, we took somewhat of a break, for pretty much the same issues. Got back together in March, but now it looks like those same issues are back again.

Any ideas? We're considering just "starting over", i.e. going on actual dates, and talking a lot more.
Sounds like you guys aren't attracted to each other anymore. Not really much you can do about this. Instead of talking a lot more, talk a lot less, and see each other a lot less. That may help. If you see each other a lot less, there might be some excitement when you do see each other.

Personally, if I wasn't attracted to a girlfriend anymore but still really cared about her, I'd just make her my friend. It's also good to have people you really care about in your life, even if they aren't your girlfriend anymore.

But if you don't want to do that, only see her a couple times a month. Make it special and exciting, tell her to get all dressed up and you do the same. Make an effort to look and feel your best for when you see each other.

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11-02-2009, 07:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HockeyScholar View Post
Sounds like you guys aren't attracted to each other anymore. Not really much you can do about this. Instead of talking a lot more, talk a lot less, and see each other a lot less. That may help. If you see each other a lot less, there might be some excitement when you do see each other.

Personally, if I wasn't attracted to a girlfriend anymore but still really cared about her, I'd just make her my friend. It's also good to have people you really care about in your life, even if they aren't your girlfriend anymore.

But if you don't want to do that, only see her a couple times a month. Make it special and exciting, tell her to get all dressed up and you do the same. Make an effort to look and feel your best for when you see each other.
I don't know how i feel about that advice man. He really wants to bring the spark back from the sounds of it. After 5 years telling a girl you want to see her a couple times a month she is going to respond to that in a positive way. Talking less and seeing each other on the odd occasion is not going to save a long-term relationship, it's going to make it drift even more.

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11-02-2009, 07:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TLinden16 View Post
I think thats your answer right there.

That shouldn't be "starting over" IMO. When I found my relationship declining it was the first thing I noticed wasn't happening. Those dates allow for 1 on 1 conversation, they allow for romance, they allow for laughing. A healthy relationship needs conversation, and I think that "dating" shouldn't be lost.
Yeah, I think we just need stuff to do.....usually we just ended up doing nothing, sitting around reading or on the computer, or playing video games or something, weekend after weekend. Filling our schedule with actual dates may bring back some chemistry.

Quote:
Originally Posted by HockeyScholar View Post
Sounds like you guys aren't attracted to each other anymore. Not really much you can do about this. Instead of talking a lot more, talk a lot less, and see each other a lot less. That may help. If you see each other a lot less, there might be some excitement when you do see each other.

Personally, if I wasn't attracted to a girlfriend anymore but still really cared about her, I'd just make her my friend. It's also good to have people you really care about in your life, even if they aren't your girlfriend anymore.

But if you don't want to do that, only see her a couple times a month. Make it special and exciting, tell her to get all dressed up and you do the same. Make an effort to look and feel your best for when you see each other.


Quote:
Originally Posted by TLinden16 View Post
I don't know how i feel about that advice man. He really wants to bring the spark back from the sounds of it. After 5 years telling a girl you want to see her a couple times a month she is going to respond to that in a positive way. Talking less and seeing each other on the odd occasion is not going to save a long-term relationship, it's going to make it drift even more.
Going to agree with Linden here.

There is still an attraction between my girlfriend and I, though it's not as strong as it once was. Or at least, from her perspective, which sucks. I'm still very much attracted to her, and like I said before, I'd rather not cut back too much on the time we spend together, but rather find more things to do, so that we can "find eachother" once more.

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11-02-2009, 07:29 PM
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Originally Posted by vancityluongo View Post
Well, I'm not attracted to her I guess, but for her age she's probably one of the better ones around. I dunno though, I guess I've always hung around older people, I mean I'm posting in this thread having discussions with all you guys a lot older than me, so I'd definitely like to think I'm mature for my age.

I have no idea what's going through her head either. She's been texting me non-stop past couple days, and I'm trying to find out where the line is between flirty and nice, and then again between nice and mean. I mean, I don't wanna close things off with her completely, and I also don't want her to have the impression that I like her. So I'm trying to maintain a middle ground, but I don't know if I can pull that off. Best case scenario would be that she finds someone else, and then maybe in a couple years we re-evaluate. You're right, a 18/19 year old with a 13 year old is just weird. But there are plenty of 19 year olds dating 17 year old girls. I know a ton of girls my age dating 17 year old guys. But not one of my 15 year old friends is dating anyone below 14.
What grade are you and this girl in?...I would guess and say you are in 10th and she is in 8th?

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11-02-2009, 07:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Modo View Post
There is still an attraction between my girlfriend and I, though it's not as strong as it once was. Or at least, from her perspective, which sucks. I'm still very much attracted to her, and like I said before, I'd rather not cut back too much on the time we spend together, but rather find more things to do, so that we can "find eachother" once more.
Sounds like a good plan.

Sooner or later, you're gonna find out that in almost any relationship the "spark" goes away at some point. The question is, do you have a strong enough foundation of a relationship to keep it going even without the spark? Most of my friends who have been together for at least a decade have admitted to not really having the same magic as before, but they've built a lasting partnership so it doesn't really matter. But if your main reason for being together was that spark, then once it's gone then you have nothing.

It may come back at some point, it may not, but anyone who thinks that they're going to find the "spark" that lasts for decades is someone who's likely to get married and divorced a bunch of times ... or they'll be someone who waits around forever for some perfect thing that simply doesn't exist.

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11-02-2009, 07:46 PM
  #21
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The title should be

Lady Advice 7: 6000 replies later and we're still here


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11-02-2009, 07:47 PM
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The title should be

Lady Advice 7: 6000 replies later and we're still here

Nah, that should be for 8. This one is epic enough.

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11-02-2009, 07:49 PM
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Originally Posted by vancityluongo View Post
Well, I'm not attracted to her I guess, but for her age she's probably one of the better ones around. I dunno though, I guess I've always hung around older people, I mean I'm posting in this thread having discussions with all you guys a lot older than me, so I'd definitely like to think I'm mature for my age.

I have no idea what's going through her head either. She's been texting me non-stop past couple days, and I'm trying to find out where the line is between flirty and nice, and then again between nice and mean. I mean, I don't wanna close things off with her completely, and I also don't want her to have the impression that I like her. So I'm trying to maintain a middle ground, but I don't know if I can pull that off. Best case scenario would be that she finds someone else, and then maybe in a couple years we re-evaluate. You're right, a 18/19 year old with a 13 year old is just weird. But there are plenty of 19 year olds dating 17 year old girls. I know a ton of girls my age dating 17 year old guys. But not one of my 15 year old friends is dating anyone below 14.
Even if you personally didn't find it creepy, you'd be mocked for it. Assuming that you're a sophomore and she's probably in eighth grade. Thirteen's too young for anyone to date someone with an age difference greater than one year.

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11-02-2009, 08:13 PM
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Originally Posted by Modo View Post

There is still an attraction between my girlfriend and I, though it's not as strong as it once was. Or at least, from her perspective, which sucks. I'm still very much attracted to her, and like I said before, I'd rather not cut back too much on the time we spend together, but rather find more things to do, so that we can "find eachother" once more.
In your own words:
"A decline in passion/intimacy/emotion". This is obviously a decline in attraction. It sounds like you are starting to get bored of each other, which is terrible.

The more time you spend around each other doing the same old ****, they more you'll continue to lose attraction. Playing video games with your girlfriend? This is the definition of lame.

Start living an exciting life.

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11-02-2009, 08:31 PM
  #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HockeyScholar View Post
In your own words:
"A decline in passion/intimacy/emotion". This is obviously a decline in attraction. It sounds like you are starting to get bored of each other, which is terrible.

The more time you spend around each other doing the same old ****, they more you'll continue to lose attraction. Playing video games with your girlfriend? This is the definition of lame.

Start living an exciting life.

You're posting on Hfboards lounge section, we all are, clearly not living "an exciting life" at the moment. No need to get pissy with someone asking for advice. I hope no one takes yours seriously. Clearly not someone that cares for commitment and love.


You'd be surprised how many long-term relationships fall into a groove. It happens, it's natural. You begin to become so comfortable with the person that things that are at one time enjoyable because of the connection and spark (laying around, playing video games) can become routine and dull. This is not any reason to blow up the relationship, and it certainly isn't "losing attraction". It takes a kick in the ass and some motivation to get up, get out, engage in some good conversation and have some fun. Go for drinks to a bar, Grab dinner, Go walk the core of downtown and people watch, there are so many things that get you moving, and entice conversation, thus bringing about the connection again.

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