I will, as per usual, remove all intrusive belly button lint as the game starts. I'll follow that up by artistically painting my right thumb nail in the bleu-blanc-rouge and then wiggling it majestically at the television. Then I will pick up my sacred used kleenex which earned its powers on the night the Habs won the Cup back in 86 and I'll wave it menacingly at the Bruins players on the screen.
The ritual then gets complicated. I lie upside down on the sofa, my legs resting comfortably on the wall, and I throw cotton balls straight up in hopes that they land on my face - my own mana from heaven. Whilst doing this, I do Gregorian Chants backwards and finish each phrase by resoundingly smacking my forehead with a large old textbook.
I do not start hooting like a screech monkey unless the Habs haven't scored by the beginning of the third, and I reserve interperative dance in a flaming pink leotard until the final five minutes assuming the Habs are in the lead. (Incidentally, I forgot my frilly skirt last game, hence the goal with 30 seconds left - my bad.)
All the while I dictate notes in pig latin into my small dictaphone which is mounted on a stuffed teddy bear (named Horace the Dancing Bear) who is representative of all things large and inept on the Bruins. Should the Canadiens advance, this portion of the ritual will change accordingly.
As always, when I type in my post-game analysis, I am in the lotus position and I have my wife cover me with fresh rose petals and the juice from black olives. Needless to say my post-writing is eventful - hubba hubba.
For this season, I decided to buy a large pretzel and stuff it in to a small pair of fishnets, and that site beside the television in a place of reverance. Sadly, it's this part that is the only difference from '02, and I'm beginning to think I should have worn those fishnets myself.
A Concerned Fan
clas·sic ( P ) Pronunciation Key (klsk)
a. Belonging to the highest rank or class.
b. Serving as the established model or standard: a classic example of colonial architecture.
b. Having lasting significance or worth; enduring.
a. Adhering or conforming to established standards and principles: a classic piece of research.
b. Of a well-known type; typical: a classic mistake.
3. Of or characteristic of the literature, art, and culture of ancient Greece and Rome; classical.
a. Formal, refined, and restrained in style.
b. Simple and harmonious; elegant: the classic cut of a suit; the classic lines of a clipper ship.
5. Having historical or literary associations: classic battlefields of the Civil War.
Well my ritual consists of getting together with my good friends, Mary Jane and Alexander Keith for a good ol' fashion hockey night in Canada
Habs in 7, I had a vision...
Brother, have we met before, 'cause that sounds a lot like my pre- and post- ritual ritual (I have to get in the proper mindset to perform the rites, and to calm down afterwards of course!)?! Only way to do it!