OK - this one is originally a Yankees joke but I'll just make a substitution.
A trucker is driving down the road in Boston and spots two guys wearing Montreal Canadiens jerseys walking on the side of the road. He swerves at the last second intentionally and hits them both. One goes flying into someone's front yard and the other comes flying in through his windshield and lands in the passenger seat. A cop witnesses what happens and pulls him over.
"You hit those two guys"
"Yeah I know, I guess you'll need to make an arrest right?"
"You bet, I'll charge one for trespassing and one for breaking and entering!"
I actually remembered one more from my days growing up as a teen in the mid seventies....
At a Montreal Canadiens funeral the entire Bruins team had paid hommage and respect to the passing of a great habs player.
As each Bruins passed in front of the open casket to pay their last respects, a huge Montreal fan inquired why that not one single Canadien player did not go in front of the coffin and do as the Bruins did....
Well, said the last Bruins player, look where the casket is placed, in the corner of the salon.....
He replied, No! No! it stands for Center Hice...........
They had to have it there to remind themselves where to skate after getting scored on. All they have to do is look at the toilet seats on their sweaters .
I obviously have a morbid, dark sense of humor, because this one is my favorite so far.
I have others, however, I am currently working at improving my relationshhip with the moderators and the demerit system. This prevents some of the real good ones.
A man asks a bartender if he can bring his dog into the bar to watch the Leafs game on TV.
Bartender says, "Sure, it's a slow night, bring the dog in."
Middle of the second, the Leafs score a goal, and the dog jumps around in circles, wagging his tail and barking with his tongue hanging out, looking all happy.
Barkeep says "Wow, your dog really does love the Leafs. He gets that excited when they score? What does he do when they win?"
Guy says "I don't know, I've only had the dog three years!"
I have others, however, I am currently working at improving my relationshhip with the moderators and the demerit system. This prevents some of the real good ones.
Okay, here goes and I hope I don't get in too much trouble for this one.
They had a Hockey Day at school in Montreal where everyone was expected to wear a Canadiens jersey to school. Everyone did except one kid. The teacher pulls him aside and tells him he needed to wear a Canadiens jersey that day. The kid replies that he's not a Habs fan and shouldn't have to. The teacher persists and says okay, well you should have worn a Maple Leafs jersey. The kid says he's not a Maple Leafs fan either. Ottawa Senator ? Ditto. Finally the teacher ***** off and asks what team he does root for. The kid replies the Bruins. So, the teacher asks why in blazes would you root for a team like that that hasn't won the Cup since God knows when. The kid replies that his parents are Bruins fans and so are his grandparents. The teacher responds "If your family were a bunch of morons, would you be a moron too". No, the kid replies. Then I'd be a Habs fan.
Randy Cunneyworth is curious how Boston won the Stanley Cup last year, so he decides during a roadtrip in Boston to see how Claude Julien coaches his team.
After one day he is not really impressed by the training practices, so he asks Julien how he gets his players so sharp. 'Well it is simple. I sometimes ask my players a difficult question, and that way they stay really sharp mentally'. Of course Cunneyworth wants an example, so Julien asks Tim Thomas to come over to the bench.
He asks: 'Tim, he is not your brother, but still he is your father's son. Who is he?' 'That is not difficult', Tim answers immediately, 'Of course that is me'. 'You see? That's the way you keep them sharp', Julien says to Cunneyworth.
Cunneyworth, who wants to win the Stanley Cup also, decides to bring this into Montreal Canadiens practice the next day. He calls Scott Gomez over to the bench. 'Scott, I have a question for you', he says, 'He is not your brother, but still he is your father's son, who is he?' 'My God, Coach', is the superstar's reply, 'That is a tough one to answer, can I sleep on that one night, and why do you ask me these questions?'
Cunneyworth explains it has to do with some continental coaching trick and agrees with the one night postponement. So that night Gomez decides to call Tomas Kaberle. He has played on the continent, maybe he knows something about these continental coaching methods. 'Tomas, maybe you know the answer to this question, he is not your brother, but still he is your father's son. Who is he?' 'That is easy, that is me!', says Tomas Kaberle.
So the next day Scott walks full of confidence to Cunneyworth. Randy asks: 'Scott, do you know the answer to my question now?'. 'Yes it was actually very easy', he says, 'Is it Tomas Kaberle?' Cunneyworth answers: 'No of course not you stupid b*****d. It's Tim Thomas.
Don Rickles (or it might have been Henny Youngman): "I went to a boxing match and a hockey game broke out."
If you don't understand the reference then don't go looking for it, it will remain within forum standards. If you do know the reference then it's hilarious:
• Hell freezes over.
• The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup.
^ the best so far.
My contribution: why do hockey players wear numbers on their jerseys? Because the coroner wouldn't be able to identify the bodies using only dental records.
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Best one I've seen in a while.
