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Lady Advice 11: Advice That Seems to Go Unused

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Old
05-17-2010, 01:01 AM
  #1
TomDelonge
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Lady Advice 11: Advice That Seems to Go Unused

Previous threads

Lady Advice 10: A tradition unlike any other
[url][http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?t=755972

Lady Advice 9: Lady problems with Olympic proportions ‎
http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?t=737412

Lady Advice 8: Same old problems, brand new year
http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?t=718672

Lady Advice 7: Move over H1N1, we have a REAL problem here!
http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?t=699230

Lady Advice 6: Can't live with 'em, pass the beer nuts
http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?t=667425

Lady Advice 5: Yeah... we've got women issues
http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?t=626703

Lady Advice #4: Yeah.. we've got women issues
Thread deleted. (Geeze...I go away for one thread and look what happens )

Lady advice #3: The Trilogy
http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?t=584157

Lady advice #2: The saga continues
http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?t=573790

Lady Advice #1
http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?t=553809


Quote:
Originally Posted by mmbt
It'd be a short book. It really boils down to just a few things I keep repeating:

1) Have self-respect, don't be a pushover, don't let yourself be mistreated. If you don't like yourself, forget girls for a while and go work on some things. And no girl's worth it if she makes you feel like crap.

2) Have enough respect for her to take no for an answer. Trying again later is better than being pushy/clingy/desperate; persistence can change a girl's mind, but only when it's spread out. But there's nothing you can do to "make" someone fall in love with you 100% of the time, you can only maximize your chances.

3) Don't put anyone on a pedestal. If you haven't dated her, you probably don't know her as well as you think. She may be cool, but there's other cool women out there. You didn't somehow find the only Helen of Troy without anyone else noticing. Why commit to one girl before you're even in a relationship? Don't let your life revolve around someone you're not even dating yet.

4) Be honest/direct whenever possible. If you're deep in the friends zone, it's your own damn fault for not having been open and honest with her about your intentions from the start. Hinting or half-assing it is a recipe for failure. If you show up, show up to play, don't keep one foot on the sidelines.

5) The friends zone is not hopeless, I've gotten out of it before. But doing nothing won't "save the friendship," it'll just grind you down until you can't take it anymore and you have to make a move for your own sanity. There's nothing noble about pining away hopelessly for someone. It's more noble to try even if you fail. Make your play, live with the results either way. Often you can save the friendship after rejection by taking a break from each other anyway.

6) Don't be afraid of rejection. Can't score goals if you won't take a hit. Any guy who gets 10 times as many women as you has probably gotten rejected 20 times as often.

7) "Maybe" = "No" until further notice. Treat them as such.

So there's my book ... how much do I get paid?

Quote:
Quote:
Originally Posted by mmbt View Post
8) Someone who could potentially be "The One" will make sense both to your heart AND your head. Not just one or the other. No matter how crazy about someone you are, if they're not good to/for you, move on.

Quote:
Quote:

Originally Posted by mmbt View Post
Okay, new rule:

9) **** Facebook. Texting is only marginally better, but still sucks.



WHERE IS PAUSER?

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Old
05-17-2010, 01:27 AM
  #2
WarriorOfGandhi
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Ok, I'll pop this thread's cherry with my current problem regarding the opposite sex. It's actually the opposite of most other problems here because I DO NOT want this broad in my life. An ex from about 2 years back calls me, says she wants to be friends. Don't like her, barely liked her at the time, she was the best of what was available back then. Only incentive to even remember her name is that she's trying to get a job at a publication company and I'm an amateur writer and networking is damn near everything in this business. I know for a fact she wants to be more than friends because she fell in love with me after like three weeks of a relationship. Stage ten clinger. Crazy. Moderate looking on a good day, pretty uninteresting to talk to, terrible sense of humor, listens to Phil Collins. Double plus ungood. But God damn it I want to get published more than anything in the world and if I have to rim her sideways every night it would be worth it. Basically I need advice from anyone on how to turn her into a friend with the condition that I see her at most once every month or two.

TL;DR -- how can I tell a dame I will 100% never want to be in a relationship with her? It has to be über-tactful because she could help advance my career.

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05-17-2010, 01:37 AM
  #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WarriorOfGandhi View Post
Ok, I'll pop this thread's cherry with my current problem regarding the opposite sex. It's actually the opposite of most other problems here because I DO NOT want this broad in my life. An ex from about 2 years back calls me, says she wants to be friends. Don't like her, barely liked her at the time, she was the best of what was available back then. Only incentive to even remember her name is that she's trying to get a job at a publication company and I'm an amateur writer and networking is damn near everything in this business. I know for a fact she wants to be more than friends because she fell in love with me after like three weeks of a relationship. Stage ten clinger. Crazy. Moderate looking on a good day, pretty uninteresting to talk to, terrible sense of humor, listens to Phil Collins. Double plus ungood. But God damn it I want to get published more than anything in the world and if I have to rim her sideways every night it would be worth it. Basically I need advice from anyone on how to turn her into a friend with the condition that I see her at most once every month or two.

TL;DR -- how can I tell a dame I will 100% never want to be in a relationship with her? It has to be über-tactful because she could help advance my career.
If the money and career advancement is worth it you get down and **** and suck whatever odd ended private parts she has. Go for anal, threesomes with another woman until she says no.

Of course, make that transition until you are at a level of her getting you to where you want to be first.

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05-17-2010, 01:53 AM
  #4
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Ever since I have stopped typing out huge soliloquys and asking dumb questions on here, I have gone with my gut and my fortunes are getting better by the day.

Guys, if you are on here asking to be instructed on every move and given advice for every little detail (as I was not long ago), then you need to take a step back and realize that only you can change your particular situation. At some point you need to stop reading and start acting.

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05-17-2010, 02:00 AM
  #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WarriorOfGandhi View Post
Ok, I'll pop this thread's cherry with my current problem regarding the opposite sex. It's actually the opposite of most other problems here because I DO NOT want this broad in my life. An ex from about 2 years back calls me, says she wants to be friends. Don't like her, barely liked her at the time, she was the best of what was available back then. Only incentive to even remember her name is that she's trying to get a job at a publication company and I'm an amateur writer and networking is damn near everything in this business. I know for a fact she wants to be more than friends because she fell in love with me after like three weeks of a relationship. Stage ten clinger. Crazy. Moderate looking on a good day, pretty uninteresting to talk to, terrible sense of humor, listens to Phil Collins. Double plus ungood. But God damn it I want to get published more than anything in the world and if I have to rim her sideways every night it would be worth it. Basically I need advice from anyone on how to turn her into a friend with the condition that I see her at most once every month or two.

TL;DR -- how can I tell a dame I will 100% never want to be in a relationship with her? It has to be über-tactful because she could help advance my career.
I literally laughed out loud when I read that, it was just so out of place with the rest of the stuff you listed. Part of me wants to say if you could somehow manipulate her into wanting to be friends and nothing more, or making yourself less desirable without screwing your chance at a connection. Otherwise, well, you know what to do.

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Old
05-17-2010, 02:54 AM
  #6
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Well during my weekend, I had to drive my drunk cousin home with her friends in my car. During her drunkenness of epic proportions, she spilled the beans on her newest boy toy...claiming the only reason she wants to be his boyfriend is because he has muscles and a nice car. That's it. Talk about being superficial..

So whats the advice on this one..

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05-17-2010, 08:59 AM
  #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EpochLink View Post
Well during my weekend, I had to drive my drunk cousin home with her friends in my car. During her drunkenness of epic proportions, she spilled the beans on her newest boy toy...claiming the only reason she wants to be his boyfriend is because he has muscles and a nice car. That's it. Talk about being superficial..

So whats the advice on this one..
You want advice on your cousin?

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Old
05-17-2010, 09:41 AM
  #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TomDelonge View Post
The friends zone is not hopeless, I've gotten out of it before. But doing nothing won't "save the friendship," it'll just grind you down until you can't take it anymore and you have to make a move for your own sanity. There's nothing noble about pining away hopelessly for someone. It's more noble to try even if you fail. Make your play, live with the results either way.
Reminded me of this...



...oh, and the wife still ain't too happy about me going to the cottage with my friends. Apparently we're 28-year-old high school students, and 'cottage' is a code word for 'guaranteed drunken sex with people who aren't my girlfriend'

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05-17-2010, 10:43 AM
  #9
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So... I met this girl in a bar... She was really really nice and we spoke quite much, I understood she was a very bright girl that we had some common interests (it was a acoustic singer bar so). So i talked to her and thats it. Next time I go to a bar with my friends, she's there too (Ok shes friend with my friends' gf so thats alright). So that night we danced not exactly together but still, then we started talking and the same impression stands, she looks like the kind of girl I would like to hang around longer. So she grabs my friends' blackberry and log me on my msn and add herself to my contacts (and to my friends' at the same time)

So a few days pass, and she does not log on, which i found normal because she was in the end of her school terms.

But wednesday, she logs on. Because I find her really interesting(and friggin gorgeous too!) I decide that I will go talk to her on Msn. But before I could even click on her name, she starts talking to me. I was a bit startled because Before my ex gf, there were no girl that ever engaged a conversation with me on MSN (I'm not a big fan of it actually but anyway). So its early in the afternoon and this girl come talking to me. So i talk to her and surprisingly, it goes pretty well, we speak for almost 2 hours (some small talk but that felt so natural). So after the 2 hours, i had to go to school so I logged off the next day, the same thing happens, shes come to me early in the afternoon and we start talking, once again, the conversation goes pretty well, and even more surprisingly, we end up talking the whole afternoon and even more strange we start talking about some serious stuff like relationship values and stuff like that (we have the same values or so it seems). We have to stop talking around 7o'clock because she was going out with her friends to see a movie (she's single BTW)

Now last friday, she come to me at the beginning of the afternoon and she starts talking to me once again. After roughly 12 hours of talking in 3 days, I thought we would run out of stuff to talk about. But at my general surprise we did not. We talked all the way from noon to about 11 in the evening. And our conversation never wnet awkward or anything

Saturday afternoon, I came back from work, opened my computer and started working on my philosophy essay, I expected her to come talk to me in the evening so i started to work on it so I could feel less guilty of being distracted from my work by her. So around 6 30, she logs and less than 30 seond later we are already deep into a conversation. But that night, we talked about much more intimate subjects, we talked a bit about our exes, we talked a bit about some other stuff and I realized she was really curious about my life and other things related to me. So basicly, we chatted until 1 in the morning (but we could have chatted more, I just worked the morning followin).

But brace yourself, cause its not over yet. Yesterday, i finished my last shift in my school schedule job (Quiznos) and all day long i asked myself some pretty serious questions. Do I love this girl, do I have a chance with her, do I want to wait for her long enough so that she gets over her last relationship (1 month and a half ago)? And i figured out that of course i liked her and that She was really worth the while.

So last night, after my work, I logged on my computer and started to try finishing my philospophy work (I was friggin distracted the night before too), I wrote a good chunk of it but she logged and started talking to me again. So we talk and we talk some more, we start to touch some really intimate subjects, we talk about sex with our exes and I gave her all the pretty juicy details she wanted to know, Then i decide to open my webcam just for fun so we keep talking a bit just with my cam on when she decides to open her's to show me her glasses because she thought they looked ugly on her (it did not). SO I gave her an honest answer but teased her a bit about her room (I pointed out the stuff that was on her desk) So she momentarily closed her cam. But after i assured her that I was no clean-freak, she opened it back again. So I'm with that girl on webcam and we talk a lot, we still are talking about sex, and I am talking about the stuff I did with my ex, the numbers, the duration anyway (i don't really care about my ex anymore) so after all of this went down I tell her that I want to get in sleeping attire (boxers and hair) and I ask her if she wants me to remove the cam (cause I dont mind being bare chested in front of a sexy woman) she tells me its ok and that she don't mind seeing me in chest. So i do remove my shirt and pants (anyway she can't see the no pants part) and assure her its not because i want to show off that I do.

So we keep talking about really intimate subjects when she finally drops the bomb: she was in a relationship for 2 years, she is technically still a virgin!!! I did not ask for deep details (yet) but this truly blew my mind away. Of course it is weird (she did not do it because of religion) but at the same time i found it kinda... awesome. I like girls that can stand by their values. Even if they imply stuff like that. I did not ask for many details, but I assured that I did not found it strange and that I admired her will and everything.

So... we kept on talking, we kept on talking until 4 o'clock in the morning and we went even deeper into each other's lives. And after roughly 9 hours talking to her I still could have said more and i'm sure she could have to.


Whats this Lounge? Is this Sedin-esque chemistry? Is this love? Is this something I can't fathom yet? My head got messed up pretty bad right here

give a brother an advice

(Oh and BTW, I told her many many times that she was beautiful and sexy, but she did not drop a sweat about it, she took the compliment and thanked me for it)

EDIT: OMG thats a pretty epic 7000th post

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Old
05-17-2010, 10:54 AM
  #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Haymaker View Post
Reminded me of this...
Actually sometimes people in this thread remind me of this:



Mouse-over text: 'I'm nothing without you' is a ****ed-up sentiment.

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05-17-2010, 11:07 AM
  #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Iwishihadacup View Post
Story
Holy **** dude. You talked to this chick for ~38 hours over the course of 5 days. Think about that for a minute. That's absolutely insane. Go do something else. Pretend you have a life so she doesn't see how empty yours is. Also, if you "love her" (you don't, [yet]) then ask her out instead of just chilling on MSN for a day and a half. Talk to her in person. At least you talked on webcam a bit. But see her in person.

Also, don't compliment her so much.

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05-17-2010, 11:12 AM
  #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Sam View Post
Holy **** dude. You talked to this chick for ~38 hours over the course of 5 days. Think about that for a minute. That's absolutely insane. Go do something else. Pretend you have a life so she doesn't see how empty yours is. Also, if you "love her" (you don't, [yet]) then ask her out instead of just chilling on MSN for a day and a half. Talk to her in person. At least you talked on webcam a bit. But see her in person.

Also, don't compliment her so much.
thats scary, of course

But im on the end of a harsh session and I can't really afford to get out of my house cause i got too much stuff to do in it (i'm moving out tonight)


But you are right this is ****ing crazy but I'm not the one starting the conversations and to my defense I also got a philosophy essay that I must finish

But of course, we talked about listening to a movie together

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Old
05-17-2010, 12:51 PM
  #13
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Listening to a movie together??

But yea id ease up a bit and plan more stuff in person. The MSN convos will eventually run out of steam and become less interesting.

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05-17-2010, 01:01 PM
  #14
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MSN convos, no matter how deep they appear, mean jack ****. I don't even start 'em with women any more unless they are strictly friends only. You needed to get her offline and into a real date 30+ hours ago.

You're probably already deep into the quicksand of the friend zone.

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05-17-2010, 01:35 PM
  #15
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He's definitely violated rule #3 above. Pondering whether or not you're in love, before even going on a date? Come on, man, get some perspective. 30 minutes chatting online doesn't count for nearly as much as 15 minutes in person.

You like her, she seems to like you, and you both seem to have some good initial compatibility? Awesome ... ask her out. Until you do, all this other stuff is just white noise.

And on a side note, why are you giving intimate details about previous girls you've dated, to someone you're just getting to know? That's ungentlemanly at least, and borderline douchey at worst.

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05-17-2010, 01:50 PM
  #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SenorDingDong View Post
Listening to a movie together??
If you couldn't tell by his long post(I read the whole thing) he's quite obviously french.


Listening to a movie is the direct translation of "Ecouter un film" which french people use to say watch a movie.

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05-17-2010, 05:46 PM
  #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by optimus2861 View Post
MSN convos, no matter how deep they appear, mean jack ****. I don't even start 'em with women any more unless they are strictly friends only. You needed to get her offline and into a real date 30+ hours ago.

You're probably already deep into the quicksand of the friend zone.
I used to MSN convo back in the day with girls. Heck some of them last like nine hours during my teenage years..damn those were some long conversations but girls would tell me everything about themselves. I think they needed someone to tell stuff too..

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05-17-2010, 07:47 PM
  #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by optimus2861 View Post
MSN convos, no matter how deep they appear, mean jack ****. I don't even start 'em with women any more unless they are strictly friends only. You needed to get her offline and into a real date 30+ hours ago.

You're probably already deep into the quicksand of the friend zone.
I find they help break the ice easier than face to face. Maybe that's just me but it allows nervous people the chance to think out their replies instead of blurting out stupid things spontaneously.

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Old
05-17-2010, 07:48 PM
  #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EpochLink View Post
I used to MSN convo back in the day with girls. Heck some of them last like nine hours during my teenage years..damn those were some long conversations but girls would tell me everything about themselves. I think they needed someone to tell stuff too..
Most girls don't want to sleep with the guy they poor their heart out to.

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05-17-2010, 11:58 PM
  #20
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Quote:
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Ill add to my confusing saga.

Summary of what happened:

Serious girlfriend of a year and a half breaks up with me almost out of nowhere in March (we had talked about spending the rest of our lives together). She got really busy with school and had less time for me and then she broke it off cause she felt she just can't be in a relationship right now and wasn't ready yet. Meanwhile while shes saying this over the next couple weeks she kept telling me she still loves me, Im perfect for her, she can't even imagine finding someone she'd be happier with and that I was the best boyfriend. She wanted to stay friends for now and guilted me into doing it and at first I did, then I realized it was a terrible Idea and I couldn't do it. So about a month after it happened I simply said I'm not going to just be your friend on the side while your figuring things out as its completely unfair to me. Then told her she should come talk to me when shes ready.

I blocked her news feed from being visible on Facebook so Im still her friend but dont see anything from her and deleted her on MSN (didn't block so she can still talk to me). Btw this helps IMMENSELY in trying to get over someone long as u have the will power to never look at her profile.

Anyway 2 weeks later she randomly texts me Sat night asking if I was in the city. I was out for my buddies bday back home and didnt reply for a couple hours, but then just said "Im in the hammer for my buddies bday".

On Monday she texts me if she can stop by next week to return a cook book I gave her. I dont really care about it so said "You can feel free to keep it if u want". She insists and then said she would like to talk if thats ok. So I said cool shoot me a text next week.

Yesterday she messages me on MSN saying if Mondays fine. I said I have no plans that night as of right now. So she asks if she can text me once shes off work at 5, I said yea go for it.

Next she asks "..are you over me?"

I said why are you asking, and she said cause your being short with me. Then said I'm sorry and Ill see you Monday.

Im not budging on my stance though if shes trying to get me to feed bad or something. Ive just been going out and having fun with my friends the last few weeks

Shes basically acting really sad and insecure when she talks to me now which is confusing as hell because she ended it not me. Wtf??
Update on this. She has been messaging me a lot this week since this happened. Close to everyday. Asked me if I wanted to talk on Friday now instead of Monday, said I was going home for the weekend. This was around midnight last night she was then willing quickly run over last night after midnight in the rain to my apt (her place is about 10 min walk away). I was heading to sleep tho had work in the morning. Then says "Please let me know when you have a min to talk".

The hell could be so important to talk about? Theres nothing to talk about.





Update for the guys who replied on this. You were right, I heard her out today. She completely regrets what she did, said sorry 10x, cried, called herself an idiot and wants to get back together. Before I said yes I flat out told her that I can't and won't be put through this again and that I'm dead serious about that. She understood and were taking things slowly now to get back into it.

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Old
05-18-2010, 12:36 AM
  #21
EpochLink
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Most girls don't want to sleep with the guy they poor their heart out to.
Too late

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Old
05-18-2010, 03:21 AM
  #22
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Originally Posted by Iwishihadacup View Post
...
thats a pretty epic 7000th post
Time to ask her out on a date. See if she's interested. And if she isn't, see if you're interested in being just her friend. Either way, friend or dating, you need to see each other in person.

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Old
05-18-2010, 08:11 AM
  #23
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If she was in a relationship for 2 years and didn't put out; what makes you think it will be different with you?

How old are you guys?

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05-18-2010, 08:17 AM
  #24
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My ex, we dated for almost a year, is back in town from school. We tried doing the long distance thing when she first left in the fall, lasted for a couple months but I wasn't feeling it and neither was she. She still wanted to be friends. I said maybe, call me when you're back in town.

She came back into town this past weekend, but I didn't see her because I was at a friends birthday party Saturday and had hockey on Sunday. Last night I was working on project for school and she texted me asking if she could see me tonight (last night). I didn't respond because this is my final project I'm working on and I didn't want to be distracted by her typical chit-chat ********. About 30 minutes after that she sent me another text saying she was thinking about staying over if I was okay with it. I waited until I was done working on my project for the night then I called her and told her I didn't think it was a good idea and she asked if she could come over for a little. I agreed to that since I thought my roommate was home for backup.

So right before she's there my roommates girl came over and they disappeared for the night. She gets there, I'm watching tv and doing generally nothing. She sat down real close and was leaning on me, then she started to kiss me. We talked a little and generally lounged around. Never went anything past that. She left a little while later and I went to bed. This morning I had a text from her, asking if she could stay over tonight or tomorrow.

Knowing her, the only reason she wants to stay over is to ****. When we were together she told me how when she would leave after sex she felt like a ***** or some crap.

If she does stay the night, we'll end up having sex and then she'll give me some ******** about "so what's going on with us?" I can see it coming from a mile away, so with the goal on having her as a ****-buddy for this (and next) summer, how should I approach this?

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05-18-2010, 09:22 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Happy Pony View Post

Knowing her, the only reason she wants to stay over is to ****. When we were together she told me how when she would leave after sex she felt like a ***** or some crap.

If she does stay the night, we'll end up having sex and then she'll give me some ******** about "so what's going on with us?" I can see it coming from a mile away, so with the goal on having her as a ****-buddy for this (and next) summer, how should I approach this?
If she feels like a ***** or crap as she says, but is the one running after you to nail her, you shouldnt feel bad.
unless you really like her (and it doesnt seem that way) i say you keep having your fun as planned, no compromises.

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