Q: What's the difference between Marian Gaborik and an ostrich?
A: Marián Gáborík (born February 14, 1982) is a Slovak professional ice hockey right winger currently playing for the New York Rangers of the National Hockey League (NHL). The Ostrich, (Struthio camelus), is a large flightless bird native to Africa.
Teemu Selanne and Chris Pronger accidentally walked into a gay bar. They had just sat when a man walked up to Teemu and asked him to dance.
Horrified, he turned to Pronger and whispered, "Help me out of this!" So Pronger grabs the guy, slams him up against the wall and mumbles something menacingly into his face. Once let out of his clutches, the guy apologized and hurried away.
Wow, Teemu says, "Thanks, what did you say to him?" Prongs shrugged and replied, "Told him we're on our honeymoon."
Two boys are playing hockey on a pond in the park in Toronto, when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his stick, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck. A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Leafs Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook. "But I'm not a Leafs fan," the little hero replied. "Sorry, since we are in Toronto, I just assumed you were," said the reporter and starts again. "Little Jays Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack" he continued writing in his notebook. "I'm not a Jays fan either," the boy said. "I assumed everyone in Toronto was either a Leafs or Jays fan. "What team, do you root for?" the reporter asked. "I'm a Boston Bruins fan." the child said. The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little ******* from Boston Kills Beloved Family Pet."
Teemu Selanne and Chris Pronger accidentally walked into a gay bar. They had just sat when a man walked up to Teemu and asked him to dance.
Horrified, he turned to Pronger and whispered, "Help me out of this!" So Pronger grabs the guy, slams him up against the wall and mumbles something menacingly into his face. Once let out of his clutches, the guy apologized and hurried away.
Wow, Teemu says, "Thanks, what did you say to him?" Prongs shrugged and replied, "Told him we're on our honeymoon."
Two boys are playing hockey on a pond in the park in Toronto, when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his stick, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck. A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Leafs Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook. "But I'm not a Leafs fan," the little hero replied. "Sorry, since we are in Toronto, I just assumed you were," said the reporter and starts again. "Little Jays Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack" he continued writing in his notebook. "I'm not a Jays fan either," the boy said. "I assumed everyone in Toronto was either a Leafs or Jays fan. "What team, do you root for?" the reporter asked. "I'm a Boston Bruins fan." the child said. The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little ******* from Boston Kills Beloved Family Pet."
Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux and Steve Yzerman all die and meet in heaven. God is sitting in his chair waiting for them. God says to the three legends, gentleman before I let you in, you must tell me what you believe. "Mario we'll start with you, in what do you believe?" "I believe hockey is the greatest thing in the world and the best sport in history" To that god says "take the seat to my left" God then turns to Steve and says, "Steven, in what do you believe?" To which Steve replies "I believe to be the best, you've got to give every ounce you've got!" To that god says "take the seat to my Right" God then turns to number 99 and says "Wayne, tell me what do you believe?" To which Wayne replies I believe you are sitting in my seat
Q: What's the difference between Marian Gaborik and an ostrich?
A: Marián Gáborík (born February 14, 1982) is a Slovak professional ice hockey right winger currently playing for the New York Rangers of the National Hockey League (NHL). The Ostrich, (Struthio camelus), is a large flightless bird native to Africa.
Holy god a lot of these are good but this one make me LOL IRL like a lot more than it should.
I don't get why you're trying to set yourself up as some purveyor of wit. I see no jokes by you in this thread.
I am no purveyor, merely an appreciator of wit.
Clearly, the above joke is funny if so many people laugh at it. I am not criticising it. I was merely pointing out that I don't get what's funny about a thorough description of each. Is there a pun somewhere?
Q. If jesus played hockey what position would he play?
A. goaltender because JESUS SAVES A2. none, he stopped playing after he got nailed to the boards
After that game, Chelios(his defensive partner) got quoted: His positioning is just terrible...and he's a wimp. He should have just taken the stiches and gotten back out there..."
Four women were having coffee and bragging about their children. The first woman says, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him father."
The next woman tries to top her, "Really? My son married the princess of a small European country and when he walks into the room, people call him your highness!"
The third woman chirps, "Well, my son is a cardinal of the church. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him your eminence!"
The fourth woman is just sitting there sipping her coffee silently and the other three look at her in a subtle way, as if to say 'well...?' She smiles and says, "Oh. My son is a very large and handsome hockey player. Whenever he walks into a room, women say, "OH MY GOD...!"
Clearly, the above joke is funny if so many people laugh at it. I am not criticising it. I was merely pointing out that I don't get what's funny about a thorough description of each. Is there a pun somewhere?
Brian Burke, Cliff Fletcher and Dave Nonis are sitting at the office. A couple of minutes later, Brett Lebda is signed to a two-year, 2.9 million dollar deal.
This one was pretty bad, it was easier with cupcakes, or printers.
Two buddies Bob and Earl were two of the biggest Hockey fans in America. For their entire adult lives, Bob and Earl discussed Hockey history in the summer and they pored over every box score during the season. They went to 40 games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come back and tell the other if there was Hockey in Heaven.
One fall night, Bob passed away in his sleep. He died happy. A few nights later, his buddy Earl awoke to the sound of Bob's voice from beyond. "Bob is that you?" Earl asked.
"Of course it me," Bob replied.
"This is unbelievable!" Earl exclaimed. "So tell me, is there Hockey in Heaven?"
"Well I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which do you want to hear first?"
"Tell me the good news first."
"Well, the good news is that, yes, there is Hockey in Heaven, Earl."
"Oh, that is wonderful! So what could possibly be the bad news?"
The joke is that you're expecting something that draws a comparison between them, but you get a literal description of what the difference between them is, i.e., what they are, because they're entirely unrelated.
The Leafs are playing their next game in New York so Kessel phones one of his American buddies to check on the weather there. His buddy says it has been snowing heavily for three days now. His wife has done nothing but stare through the window. If it doesn't stop soon he’ll probably have to let her in.
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